Thursday, April 10, 2014


Where the hell that come from?  Guess I’ll be back posting here after all but God willing, only for one brief week while I run the nightmare of testing and waiting!!!!

Shy of the erroneous scan reading a few years back with the scar tissue in my shoulder, I have never had anything but a clean bill of health from any of my checkups!  NEVER! A perfect record no more and I am none too happy-Spooked quite frankly on the heels of Ricks services last week.  Trying to hold it together but admit have had a few moments as this has stirred up a whole bunch of feelings and memories as getting a handle on this, hopefully nothing more than, little setback as  I went to Dr Cho today for my 6 month routine where almost from the get go it was anything but!

He starts with his usual small talk about sailing and now possibility of Americas cup coming while he starts a general exam of feeling around, poking and prodding.  I think I notice a reaction while he feeling around my neck but I’m always a bit worried every time I walk in-My blood pressure was slightly elevated and the nurse shrugged it off to White Coat syndrome-he then goes into general questions about me on how I’m feeling, anything hurting all the while taking an extended interest feeling around left side of my neck.  I respond and hadn’t even though of mentioned to him but as a matter of fact yes, I have been hurting a bit.  My hip and legs have been oddly sore the last few weeks-like after a big hike or run yet I haven’t been.    He asks specifically where and if I have a sense of weakness while walking.  Umm yeah that’s exactly what it’s like.  Why?  Safe bet to say BP just jumped substantially and has nothing to do with WCS.  Back to the vampires for a another blood draw as he wants to check on muscle enzymes-He has obviously been down this path before and he’s never checked those levels before.  I come back into the exam room after getting stuck again and ask him what’s up and he says just wants to check those levels see if he can determine why having this pain.  I’m the glass half full guy but I don’t buy it.  We then go back to this extremely thorough neck exam that is a far cry from a massage and he’s’ never done this before either, nor had the perplexed look going back and forth to my old scans and charts.  It’s usually feeling the area once over and pau and my entire demeanor changes back to a dark scared mood I haven’t felt in years…and he knows it.  There is a look on his face I NEVER wanted to see during an exam again from a Doctor and that is concern, yet here we are.  FCK!  The nurse comes in with my original blood work results and we go through the rest of the exam as uneventful as always.  Fortunately all my blood work looks fine but he says that there is “mass” he feels on the left side that is not universal with the right and it needs a closer look.  He’s quick to say it’s only a precaution but we need a full scan workup to be safe and although it is completely different from the tumor of 2010 he wants to see what it is even if something as benign as a spazzing muscle as I do get them in my neck quite often from all the radiation.  It is something out of the ordinary and that never what you want in my situation and I so don not miss this anxiety and literally feel sick.

I went and caught my sunset and a glass of wine and had a nice phone call that actually made me laugh but I’m in a bit lost right now-it’s a surreal feeling and I don’t like it! There is obviously something amiss and I can hope it is completely unrelated. Cracking a bottle of wine isn’t going to help anything so I’m off to try get some sleep although I’m sure that going to be tough.  This is going to be a hell of a week!!  UUGGHHHH! 

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